LONG BEACH, CA (Chafed News)– Joseph King, unemployed for over eighteen months, has announced he is taking an official hiatus from his YouTube channel, “Joseph King USA,” to concentrate fully on blogging. “Hey, Joseph King USA was down right hilarious,” Mr. King declared when questioned about the announcement. “The problem wasn’t that the videos I made sucked. The problem is that YouTube viewers suck. You see, YouTube viewers are mostly young children, teenagers and assholes who really don’t know funny shit when they see it.”
Mr. King first entered the world of YouTube in the Spring of 2012 when he read an article on the money making possibilities of YouTube creative partners. “I crossed paths with an article in some newspaper regarding YouTube Millionaires, or some bullshit and I thought to myself, Hey, I’m funny. I’m cool. I can make some stupid videos and get some idiots to watch ’em and become rich. I ain’t got shit else to do. Then I watched some of the most popular YouTube channels which were all super stupid and I thought, This shit is fucking horrible! Surely I can make something better, funnier than these fucking dummies. So I did.”
Shortly after establishing Joseph King USA, Mr. King was contacted by YouTube’s corporate offices for violating YouTube’s Adsense agreements. “Like, two or three weeks after making my first video, I received an Email from YouTube saying I was in violation of their Adsense agreement, and my channel was shut down. I was like, This is bullshit! I was pissed. I mean, how the fuck was I supposed to know I wasn’t supposed to tell all my friends and family to watch my videos and click the shit outta all the ads?” Mr. King relaunched his channel a week later under its current name and informed his friends and family to not click on all the ads. Mr. King’s friends and family took his instructions to heart and stopped watching his videos all together. With friends and family no longer watching his videos, Joseph King USA viewership quickly dwindled down to depressingly low numbers. “Nobody watched my videos. I mean, nobody. I would spend hours each and every day refreshing my video view counts. It was pretty much all I did, all day long- clicking the refresh button, clicking the refresh button. It was frustrating to say the least.”
Mr. King and Joseph King USA, reached a new low when his wife’s cousin confronted him about his YouTube channel. Mr. King recalls, “So my wife’s stupid ass cousin Matt tells me one day, ‘Joe, nobody’s watching your videos because no one gives a shit about you or anything you have to say. You’re an embarrassment to your wife and her family and you need to get a job.’ God, I hate that little fuck. He’s like not even real family. I mean, dude’s really like my wife’s third or fourth cousin or some shit and he has the nerve to tell me that shit? Fuck him!” Days later, Mr. King’s wife, Renee King, asked him if he had spoken to Cousin Matt regarding his YouTube channel. It was at this time Joe realized he no longer had the support of his wife. “I thought she liked it,” Mr. King explains. “She was always telling me, (Regarding Joseph King USA) ‘It’s good. Really.’ So I took her word for it and continued making videos. I thought she was supportive of my new found love of making videos. It turned out, she thought they (the videos) were only kinda funny, and what she really wanted was for me to get a job. That’s when I realized my wife wasn’t as cool as I thought she was. That’s when I realized she was kinda a bitch.”
In the weeks that followed, Renee continued to press her husband (Mr. King) for information regarding his search for a real job which turned out to be an exercise in futility. Mr. King explains, “Listen, my wife’s a good broad, but she has to understand- making these videos on YouTube has awakened my inner artist. And, as an artist, I ain’t got no time for no fucking job.” Mr. King went on to say, “Listen, I respect people regardless of their employment status and that’s all I’m asking my wife to do- respect people both with and without a job. Is that too much to ask?”
Late March of this year, Mr. King took a step back from Joseph King USA and began focusing on blogging. “Well, it kinda happened the same way the YouTube thing happened,” Mr. King recalls when describing his new found passion for blogging. “I was reading this really shitty book one day, and I thought to myself, I can do this. I know how to read. I know how to write. So I said, fuck it. I’m gonna do it. That’s when I discovered the world of blogging- and I’ve been hooked ever since.” When asked what he enjoyed most about blogging Mr. King said, “Blogging is cool because, like, well, for one, view counts don’t really matter for shit like they do with YouTube. Plus, it seems blog readers are nicer, not like stupid YouTube viewers who all seem to be assholes. So, those are good things.”
When asked if he intends to ever make YouTube videos again, Mr. King responded with the following- “I dunno. Maybe. YouTube viewers seem to just wanna see cute cats doing stupid shit, or people hurting themselves, or UFO videos, or high school kids fighting, or videos about marijuana. When YouTube viewers want to see some good stuff, I mean, really good stuff- then, maybe I’ll start making videos again. Until then, I’m gonna concentrate on blogging.”
Joseph King’s Blog and be found at, whitehippousa.wordpress.com
NOTE: Mrs. Renee King declined to be interviewed for this story but is purported to still be furious with her husband for blogging, and lack of employment.
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