MIAMI, FL (Chafed News)– Hugo Sandoval, center fielder for the , fell asleep in the middle last night’s game at Marlin Park while the game was in play. Sandoval apparently fell asleep during a pitching change in the sixth inning and was awoken by teammate, right fielder Emanuel Clay, who shook Sandoval awake after a ball went right past the slumbering center fielder moments earlier. At the press conference following the game, Sandoval (speaking through an interpreter) had this to say about the incident: “What can I say? Baseball can be very boring.” When pressed about the subject, Sandoval followed up by saying, “This game was really, really long and really, really boring. The sixth inning alone was forty-five minutes long. I mean, what people don’t realize is that, baseball is just as boring to play as is to watch.”
When asked about Sandoval falling asleep in center field, Manager Ross Collier said, “Big leaguers fall asleep during games all the time, especially the outfielders. They train themselves to fall asleep standing so not to get caught doing it. Years ago, back when I was playing AA ball, I had a teammate who fell asleep during a game. The man was out so cold, we just let him stand there and snore away. Hell, six hours passed before we shook him awake. At that point the game was long over, stadium empty, and day had turned to night. I still laugh about that to this day.” When asked if Sandoval faced any disciplinary action for falling asleep during a game, Collier said, “Hell, no. Absolutely not. Hugo’s a good kid and a damn fine ball player. So what that he falls asleep from time to time while playing?” Collier went on to say, “Let’s be honest- we were getting our asses handed to us. We were gonna lose tonight’s game whether Hugo made that catch or not. Hell, fact-of-the-matter is, we are a really shitty team and, to tell you the truth, I knew we were gonna lose tonight before the game even started. We’re the Miami Marlins for fuck’s sake! Need I say more?”
The Marlins enter tonight’s game against the Chicago White Sox, in dead last place, twenty games behind the first place Atlanta Braves.
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