MINNEAPOLIS, MN (Chafed News)– Carl Womack, a 58-year-old Minneapolis area resident, says he is “happy,” after hearing his neighbors no longer consider him just, ‘the weirdo down the street.’ As it turns out, they also consider him, ‘nice.’ “Honestly, I’m through the roof about it,” Womack said when asked about the recent revelation. “I’ve been called a lot of things in my life-weird, strange, odd, peculiar, smelly, stupid, ugly, creepy, shit-for-brains. But nobody ever call me, ‘nice’– and it feels really good.”
Marjorie Turner, Womack’s next door neighbor for the past eighteen years, says she knew Womack was nice years ago, but elected to keep it to herself. “I realized he was more than just a stinky weirdo back in ’99. That’s when I first saw him feeding them damn pigeons. I thought that was sort of a kind thing to do, you know- feed them birds. But I still had my suspicions. Then, not long after, I saw him at the grocery store and when we crossed paths he tilted that stupid horn hat he’s always wearin’ and said, ‘Top of the mornin’, to ya Mrs. Turner.’ Sure, it was late afternoon when he said it, and of course he smelled like shit, but at that moment, I thought to myself, this stinky S.O.B. ain’t half bad. And I been feelin’ that way ever since.” When asked why she never told the other neighbors that she thought Mr. Womack was nice, Mrs.Turner said in part: “I ain’t goin’ around yappin’ about other people being, nice. I start doin’ that, then I’ll be the weirdo down the street, and Lord knows I don’t need that.”
Gregory Treeburger, who has lived a few houses down from Womack for nearly a decade says, not so fast. “What do we really know about this grinnin’ bastard anyway?” Treeburger said when asked about Womack being called, nice. “He’s a freak. Plain and simple. The way he’s always outside, feedin’ them filthy birds, and wearin’ that stupid hat. I mean, look at him. That’s one goofy bastard. As far as I’m concerned, he’s the weirdo down the street, and that’s all he’ll ever be.”
Susan Spence who will lives across the street from Womack disagrees with Treeburger’s assessment of Womack. “Carl Womack, looks like a classic weirdo. The beard, the hat, the birds, his clothes- Its classic weirdo all the way. But, what we (the neighbors) have recently discovered is that Carl Womack is both, weird and nice. And that’s just the truth of it. He’s both.” Spence went on to say, “The fact is, nobody spoke to him for years and years, simply because he was so damn weird, which he is. It wasn’t until not too long ago, I spoke to him for just a few minutes while walking my dog, and wouldn’t you know- he was pretty damn pleasant. He even bought a box of Girl-Scout cookies from my daughter and he wasn’t creepy about it at all. He was, well, just nice.” When asked, how this new discovery will change how she will treat Mr. Womack, Spence said: “Well, when I drive by his house and he’s outside with those pigeons- I’ll probably wave to him and maybe even say hello. Who knows, maybe I’ll even ask him how he’s doing- but I ain’t makin’ no promises.”
NOTE: As of press time, Carl Womack is said to still be “happy,” about being called, ‘nice,’ and is purported to have been waving to his neighbors as they drive by his house, all of which has made Womack feel, “pretty damn good.”
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