Man Struck by Lightning After Calling the Virgin Mary a Cunt

Peruvian Man Struck by Lightning

LIMA, PERU (Chafed News)– A man in Peru was reportedly stuck by lighting just moments after allegedly calling the Virgin Mary, “a cunt.”  The incident happened in the small village of Ayacucho located in southern Peru.  Eye witnesses say the man, Piero Apaza, was drinking heavily at the time and shouting profanities at onlookers when he turned his expletive filled rant on the Virgin Mary.  “It was a miracle,” said eye witness Maribel Mamani.  “This man (Piero Apaza) was screaming at the top of his lungs at everyone on the street; really annoying everybody.  I told my husband, ‘Hey, can you please shut that idiot up?  He’s really being obnoxious.’  My husband said to just ignore him and not to look at him.  That’s when he (Piero Apaza) said, what he said about our Blessed Mother, and right on cue, there was this boom from the sky-like thunder, and then the lightning came and zapped him good.  It was a miracle.  Truly a miracle.”

Piero Apaza, speaking from his hospital bed, had this to say about the incident: “First off, in my defense, I was drunk-Okay?  I didn’t even know what I was saying.  Second off, I did not say she was a ‘cunt.’  I said she was, ‘cunt-y.’  There’s a big difference there.”  When asked if he regrets saying what he said, Apaza replied, “Yes and no.  Yes, because, getting struck with a bolt of lightning, really, really, really fucking hurts- bad.   And no, because I feel like I was kinda speaking the truth.  I mean, striking a man with a bolt of lightning just for being drunk and running his mouth isn’t exactly what you’d expect from a kind, gentle, benevolent saint that she’s supposed to be.  It’s kind of what you’d expect from a cun… I’m not even gonna say it.  I’ve learned my lesson, and I ain’t going there, no more.”

Piero Apaza is expected to remain in the hospital for the next few weeks while he recovers from his injuries.


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