Category NATIONAL

Anthony Weiner Claims His Penis is “Awesome”

NEW YORK CITY (Chafed News) – Anthony Weiner, who in 2011 resigned from the United States Congress in shame after it became known that he had sexted photos of his penis, has admitted that he continued sexting photos of his penis even after resigning from congress.  During a press conference to address the new sexting […]

The Zimmerman Jury: Insights Into the Minds of Idiots

George Zimmerman- the doughy, unlovable, dolt who  shot and killed the unarmed 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was somehow, someway found Not-Guilty by a jury of his peers and the world has be left wondering- How the fuck did that happen?  Shitty Florida laws combined with a jury ass deep in swampy backwoods anti-intellectualism seems like the […]

Why Marriage Equality Will Financially Ruin California’s Gay and Lesbian Community

SAN FRANCISCO (Chafed News) – The gay and lesbian community and they’re supporters across California celebrated the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) decision to turn away the case involving California’s same-sex ban, known as Proposition 8, affectively legalizing marriage for gay and lesbian couples in nation’s most populous state.  However, while most gay […]

Zimmerman Attorney on Jury Selection: “Harder than Expected to Find Really Ignorant People”

SANFORD, FL (Chafed News) – As the jury selection for the second-degree murder trial of George Zimmerman crawls along, attorneys on both sides look to quicken the pace and finalize the six jurors, plus four alternates, who will ultimately decide the fate of the Florida neighborhood watch volunteer accused of murdering teen Trayvon Martin. “Jury […]

Christian Right Condemns Heimlich Maneuver as “Faggy”

MONTGOMERY, TX (Chafed News)– The Conservative Right-Wing Christian Association for a Unified America (CRWCAUA), considered one of the largest right-wing Christian conservative organizations in the United States, sent a letter to its members warning them against “the evils” of giving and/or receiving the Heimlich maneuver.  The letter, which was cosponsored by several other right-wing conservative Christian […]