DAMASCUS, SYRIA (Chafed News)– In a rare moment of peace in Syria, both rebel and Syrian government forces agreed to temporarily halt fighting to watch the 2013 Tony Awards.  “This agreement to stop fighting during the Tony Awards went off without a hitch,” said Nazir Farashi, acting cultural minister for the Syrian Rebel Alliance.  When asked […]

LIMA, PERU (Chafed News)– A man in Peru was reportedly stuck by lighting just moments after allegedly calling the Virgin Mary, “a cunt.”  The incident happened in the small village of Ayacucho located in southern Peru.  Eye witnesses say the man, Piero Apaza, was drinking heavily at the time and shouting profanities at onlookers when he […]

ISSAQUAH, WA (Chafed News)– Zagat, the world’s leading restaurant and fine dining rating agency has released its annual rankings of America’s Top Restaurants for 2013, and for first time, the top honor for the best restaurant in America has been awarded to Costco Food Court.  “We couldn’t be more proud,” said Juan Melendez, Costco’s Executive Chef […]

MATTSBURY, OH (Chafed News)– A study conducted by University of Ohio at Mattsbury finds that children, regardless of how cute their parents think they are, are almost always disgusting.  Professor Lisa Varnmar, head of child development research at Univ. of Ohio at Mattsbury says the study confirms beliefs already held by most of the general […]

HOLLYWOOD, CA (Chafed News)– It has been a long few days since the world collectively vomited after hearing the news that famed Hollywood movie star Michael Douglas attributes his throat cancer to a nasty session of cunnilingus, and still the man best known for his rolls in numerous acclaimed films including Wall Street and Basic Instinct, […]

WASHINGTON (Chafed News)– Congress wasted no time, calling forth “Game of Thrones,” creator George RR Martin and several main characters from the HBO hit series, to explain last night’s episode entitled “The Rains of Castamere,” which left many Americans traumatized. “Last night’s episode was like a kick straight to the balls,” said House Speaker John Boener […]

MINNEAPOLIS, MN (Chafed News)–   Carl Womack, a 58-year-old Minneapolis area resident, says he is “happy,” after hearing his neighbors no longer consider him just, ‘the weirdo down the street.’  As it turns out, they also consider him, ‘nice.’   “Honestly, I’m through the roof about it,” Womack said when asked about the recent revelation.  […]